No different

A little poem i wrote a few years ago for my son - to help his friends (and him too) relate to him!

You may not understand me; I often feel that way too,

You may not understand my feelings, but I have them the same as you.

I get myself in a muddle, with the everyday things you do,

Homework, playing, getting dressed and often just doing up my shoe.

Lots of light and excitement sends me in a spin,

I can run around screaming and not really know where I’ve been.

I can become frustrated when things don’t work my way,

Concentrating I find hard, homework often goes astray.

I try really hard to be good, though sometimes it’s hard to control,

It’s like I’m on a time bomb and this really takes its toll.

It may seem as if I talk allot, especially out of turn,

My brain plays funny tricks on me; it’s something I’m trying to learn

I like the same things you do, but find it hard to express,

PE, I find tricky, as I don’t like getting dressed.

Running around playing games, I love having fun,

I may not understand all the rules, but this game needs to be won.

Please don’t think of me as different, as that makes me sad,

I try hard every day to not make you mad.

You may not understand me; I often feel that way too,

You may not understand my feelings, but my feelings are real and true.

I thought the Government were trying to reduce the country's deficit??

Being a mum and studying you get certain perks from the government, like parent’s support grant…..it’s not allot but it helps towards paying for books and travel etc. You also get offered the student loan to help meet the cost of the course fees and depending on your income you are offered a maintenance loan (if you wish to take it) – as we know loans means debt and at some point these are going to have to be paid back.

When you’re a full time student i.e, don’t work as at Uni full time, you are entitled to other bursaries and of course the student loan. This obviously is needed to pay for life in general, as you don’t have a full time job and this is the only source of income.

Before I started my degree  and just working full time, I was entitled to some housing benefit to help meet the cost of my rent ( as my wages are shocking….i am sure there are many teaching assistants out there that would agree with me there) .....However now I was being told to get a loan to pay my rent?

Now, there is a longer story behind all of this, but to try and capture it in a nut shell for you....

I let the housing people know (by the way I am in a private rented house) in Sept 2010 that I was studying for a degree and I was told to contact them as apparently I was entitled to a council tax freeze,  this applies to everyone studying for a degree), they said that was fine and all they needed was my exemption certificate from the University ( which I sent to them). It wasn’t until July this year I got a letter from them, asking for details of my degree as they said they had just received information about this and had frozen my benefit until they were able to investigate it.

This obviously sent me into a panic as my rent is £200 more than I actually earn in a month, so I sent the information as quick as I could to them obviously stating to them that they had been informed in September 2010). Much to my astonishment, they wrote back 4 weeks later saying that I owed them £3500…………?????? HOW I ask???

 At this point I had to find the rest of the rent myself, which meant having to reduce other things, like the food shop etc ( to cut a long story short, it actually took them 3 months before they paid me anything – thank you to all my friends and family who helped me through this part).

What they had actually done was taken my parent’s support grant as a part of my income ( look on the governments website, you will see they can’t do that….and I did in the end get this taken off - http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/UniversityAndHigherEducation/StudentFinance/Gettingstarted/DG_171579) and also taken into consideration maintenance loan that I didn’t even have???. This meant that I was not going to receive even a third of what I was getting towards to my rent as I had to pay back a loan to them, that I didn’t even have. How was I going to fund that?

When I argued this fact to them, they quoted some section of the terms of conditions at me and said that because I was entitled to it, they take it as income paid…even if you don’t chose to take it up.

So I had a choice, I could pay back this money that i didn’t actually have or try and get the loan through student finance and pay it off that way.

This was a hard decision as I chose not to take the loan as I didn’t want to be in loads of debt ( I had just paid off the debt I had been left from when I was running my business), I knew I would have student fee debt ( like everyone does) but to be forced to take a loan to pay my rent, I didn’t feel was very fair.

This is ironic as if I hadn’t chosen to better myself by getting an education, I would still be receiving help………and I kept asking, what has changed other than me going to university for 1 afternoon a week?

Apparently because my degree is classed as a full time, (although worked based- (which means most of the studying is done on the job) I get classed a full time student ( but I am not).

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice in the end, I have had to apply for maintenance loans to help pay the rent and bills. I am still waiting to hear from Student Finance whether I can have last year’s loan ( as I have had to apply outside the academic year ), it is with the special support team, where it has been since August…..take your time!!!

…..So let me ask you this, why is it just because I have decided to study for a degree (and this is on top of my job…hours have only reduced by 3) I have been forced to take a loan to pay my rent? I thought the government were actively trying to reduce the deficit of this country and encourage people to improve their education so they can get better jobs and not have to rely on help from the benefit system?

I have worked out that by the time I am qualified I will have student debt possibly up to £30,000….so basically just to become a teacher and provide a better life for my kids and I, I will be paying back what it cost me to get to that point for the rest of my life.

Some might say, that it’s my choice and I have chosen this path….and they are right, but let me ask those people this….would you prefer to go through life knowing that you have been unable to support yourself and have that stereo typical label………a bum attached to you, or would you prefer to (yes be in debt) but know that you have done everything in your power to improve yourself and be totally self sufficient?

It’s not my fault that my wages are so appalling and as you will see in my previous article that I used to earn much much more…..i have chosen to take this pay cut as I want a better life style and job satisfaction…I know when I come home every day I feel satisfied that I have helped a child to learn something new….how many jobs give you that feeling?

I do feel very strongly about this and as soon as I get the decision from SF about last year’s loan I will be writing to the local MP and asking why they make it so hard to better yourself in this country.

If anyone else has a similar story, please let me know as the more support I get about this, the easier it is to make changes!

A life's Journey

"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible"
Arthur C. Clarke

I was never a really bright kid, found most things difficult when it came to education and as a result I got zero GCSE’s with a grade C and above. Now some may not wish to admit to that and I can’t say I am very proud of this fact at all. I couldn’t tell you why I was unable to engage at school, some some might say this is down to poor teaching, some might say It was down to being a lazy arse ( I’d like to think it was the first theory). However, I always had ambition.
When I was younger I wanted to be a nurse, always playing hospitals with my younger brother and any friends I could persuade along the way. However, my grades weren’t up to scratch, so I had a choice to re-take my exams or get a job. I decided to give re-takes a go, but college life took a different turn for me……..smoking cannabis and going to raves every weekend……..so you guessed it, I didn’t get the grades this time either.
Thankfully my rebellious side didn’t last long and I went on to become a nanny looking after children in various families, which I absolutely loved. I then went on and worked with young people with brain injuries. I did this until I fell pregnant with my first born, Joshua (it was felt the job was too dangerous whilst heavily pregnant). I was with a  man at time (whom I thought was the love of my life), but later left me 4 months pregnant and homeless. I was only 23 (by a day) when Joshua was born and some growing up was needed to be done very quickly. I was given homeless accommodation by the local authority and stayed there until I was allocated my housing when he was 4 months old. Now you may ask, why didn’t I go back and live with my parents? I was offered to go home, but I wanted to be independent and successful without relying on my parents all the time.
It wasn’t the best of places to bring a baby up in, for a start, I had to climb 2 flights of stairs to get to my room and with a pram this was not easy. The bathrooms were grubby ( I have to say that was one thing I did go to my parent’s house for) the place was riddled with drugs and at one point the couple living in the room next to me tried to kill each other one night. Thankfully I kept my nose clean (and my room) and this pushed me up the housing ladder.
Now, currently out of work, I needed some financial help from the LA to furnish my new house………..to be told ‘sorry madam you haven’t been on benefits long enough, but you can have a loan’ WHAT???? reeling as I was, as I had paid my tax and insurance, I had to take the loan ( all of £125) to furnish my house. I thankfully found a job a month or so later. I had some lovely friends who were happy to help look after Josh whilst I was at work.
A few years later I had moved out of that house into a smaller village, closer to my job. I had started at this company as a receptionist but over the years made my way up the career ladder into sales. I was here for 5 years and was always in the top 5 sales persons. I won many incentives, trips abroad, money…..even a hoover one year (not so sure that was the booby prize). I then was pouched by a company in London where I worked for 3 years after.
In this time, I had met another man, who Josh and I had moved in to (ironically only 3 doors down from where we were living). In 2004, we a baby, this time a girl, Katie. I decided this time, I didn’t want to lose her childhood working full time and only seeing her evenings and weekends, like I had when Joshua was little, so I decided to start my own business. I went into business with a friend and we ran a very successful marking enterprise for 3 years. Unfortunately the recession hit and so was our business. My business partner decided to pull out and I was left with the decision to go alone or go back into sales.
In this time, my relationship with Katie’s dad was breaking down and Joshua was given the diagnoses of Autisim. It was one of my hardest years, but I knew the best things for everyone, was for the kids and I to leave the family home and go it alone. This time, however, I did have the support of Katie’s dad and even though we didn’t love each other anymore we were still good friends (and still are).
I did decide to try the business again, under a different name and did this for 2 years, however, the passion wasn’t there anymore and I began to feel the strain of running a business financially and mentally – this made me re-think my career. Katie was at school at this point and I started to help out a couple of afternoons a week just reading with the children or doing some general bits to help the teachers. I started to feel the sense of satisfaction again after a day’s work. I knew at this point, sales was just a stop gap and I needed to get back in with working with children.
So I don’t bore you with the finer details, I am now working in a primary school with children with learning difficulties  (as this is something I am very passionate about, due to Joshua’s ASD), where I have been for the last 3 years.
A couple of years ago I decided that I would like to train as a teacher and as you know I don’t have any exams, so this was never going to be straight forward. In 2009 I re-took my English GCSE and got a C (never going to be an A student). This allowed me to enter on the Foundation Degree in Education (support for learning) which I started last year.
I didn’t anticipate how much hard work a degree was going to be ( obviously never really being very academic) however, to my astonishment, I was getting B+’s and A’s for my assignments. This made me even more determined to succeed. This does however, put added pressure on me this year as unfortunately my first years marks don’t count towards my final grade! So let’s hope that last year was not beginners luck.

So here comes the point to my blog…..
Don’t ever just assume, just because you are a single mum, uneducated and skint, you can never accomplish your dreams and goals. I may have a little way to go yet (still need to re-take maths and science GCSES in the next year as well as this degree) before I qualify as a teacher, but I am determined to fight for my place in this society. I want my daughter growing up knowing that women are strong and independent and can achieve as much as any man can. I also want my son to know that even when he finds life hard, with determination he can succeed and be whoever he wishes to be.

This is just the start to my journey……who knows what will be next!!!