A life's Journey

"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible"
Arthur C. Clarke

I was never a really bright kid, found most things difficult when it came to education and as a result I got zero GCSE’s with a grade C and above. Now some may not wish to admit to that and I can’t say I am very proud of this fact at all. I couldn’t tell you why I was unable to engage at school, some some might say this is down to poor teaching, some might say It was down to being a lazy arse ( I’d like to think it was the first theory). However, I always had ambition.
When I was younger I wanted to be a nurse, always playing hospitals with my younger brother and any friends I could persuade along the way. However, my grades weren’t up to scratch, so I had a choice to re-take my exams or get a job. I decided to give re-takes a go, but college life took a different turn for me……..smoking cannabis and going to raves every weekend……..so you guessed it, I didn’t get the grades this time either.
Thankfully my rebellious side didn’t last long and I went on to become a nanny looking after children in various families, which I absolutely loved. I then went on and worked with young people with brain injuries. I did this until I fell pregnant with my first born, Joshua (it was felt the job was too dangerous whilst heavily pregnant). I was with a  man at time (whom I thought was the love of my life), but later left me 4 months pregnant and homeless. I was only 23 (by a day) when Joshua was born and some growing up was needed to be done very quickly. I was given homeless accommodation by the local authority and stayed there until I was allocated my housing when he was 4 months old. Now you may ask, why didn’t I go back and live with my parents? I was offered to go home, but I wanted to be independent and successful without relying on my parents all the time.
It wasn’t the best of places to bring a baby up in, for a start, I had to climb 2 flights of stairs to get to my room and with a pram this was not easy. The bathrooms were grubby ( I have to say that was one thing I did go to my parent’s house for) the place was riddled with drugs and at one point the couple living in the room next to me tried to kill each other one night. Thankfully I kept my nose clean (and my room) and this pushed me up the housing ladder.
Now, currently out of work, I needed some financial help from the LA to furnish my new house………..to be told ‘sorry madam you haven’t been on benefits long enough, but you can have a loan’ WHAT???? reeling as I was, as I had paid my tax and insurance, I had to take the loan ( all of £125) to furnish my house. I thankfully found a job a month or so later. I had some lovely friends who were happy to help look after Josh whilst I was at work.
A few years later I had moved out of that house into a smaller village, closer to my job. I had started at this company as a receptionist but over the years made my way up the career ladder into sales. I was here for 5 years and was always in the top 5 sales persons. I won many incentives, trips abroad, money…..even a hoover one year (not so sure that was the booby prize). I then was pouched by a company in London where I worked for 3 years after.
In this time, I had met another man, who Josh and I had moved in to (ironically only 3 doors down from where we were living). In 2004, we a baby, this time a girl, Katie. I decided this time, I didn’t want to lose her childhood working full time and only seeing her evenings and weekends, like I had when Joshua was little, so I decided to start my own business. I went into business with a friend and we ran a very successful marking enterprise for 3 years. Unfortunately the recession hit and so was our business. My business partner decided to pull out and I was left with the decision to go alone or go back into sales.
In this time, my relationship with Katie’s dad was breaking down and Joshua was given the diagnoses of Autisim. It was one of my hardest years, but I knew the best things for everyone, was for the kids and I to leave the family home and go it alone. This time, however, I did have the support of Katie’s dad and even though we didn’t love each other anymore we were still good friends (and still are).
I did decide to try the business again, under a different name and did this for 2 years, however, the passion wasn’t there anymore and I began to feel the strain of running a business financially and mentally – this made me re-think my career. Katie was at school at this point and I started to help out a couple of afternoons a week just reading with the children or doing some general bits to help the teachers. I started to feel the sense of satisfaction again after a day’s work. I knew at this point, sales was just a stop gap and I needed to get back in with working with children.
So I don’t bore you with the finer details, I am now working in a primary school with children with learning difficulties  (as this is something I am very passionate about, due to Joshua’s ASD), where I have been for the last 3 years.
A couple of years ago I decided that I would like to train as a teacher and as you know I don’t have any exams, so this was never going to be straight forward. In 2009 I re-took my English GCSE and got a C (never going to be an A student). This allowed me to enter on the Foundation Degree in Education (support for learning) which I started last year.
I didn’t anticipate how much hard work a degree was going to be ( obviously never really being very academic) however, to my astonishment, I was getting B+’s and A’s for my assignments. This made me even more determined to succeed. This does however, put added pressure on me this year as unfortunately my first years marks don’t count towards my final grade! So let’s hope that last year was not beginners luck.

So here comes the point to my blog…..
Don’t ever just assume, just because you are a single mum, uneducated and skint, you can never accomplish your dreams and goals. I may have a little way to go yet (still need to re-take maths and science GCSES in the next year as well as this degree) before I qualify as a teacher, but I am determined to fight for my place in this society. I want my daughter growing up knowing that women are strong and independent and can achieve as much as any man can. I also want my son to know that even when he finds life hard, with determination he can succeed and be whoever he wishes to be.

This is just the start to my journey……who knows what will be next!!!